You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
