Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
