If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
