at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Never joke about your clitoris.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize