my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
