It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
