I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
