I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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