Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
