I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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