ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
