Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
