I think I died a long time ago.
My hand turned me down
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
