she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I supernannyed him into submission
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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