I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
