The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
