I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
