im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
