your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
