Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
