he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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