just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
