The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
