I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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