yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
