I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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