She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
