Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
