i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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