Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
