I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
