I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
