try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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