I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize