So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Randomize
