rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
