Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
