Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
