Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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