can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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