I think scott just propositioned me for sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
