At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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