You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
