Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
