Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
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Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food