How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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