Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
