The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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