apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.