can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me