I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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