Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
