I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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