trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
