The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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