We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
