You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if only i could text you this smell
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
