I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize