I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize