I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize