Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
