Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
