in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
