Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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