I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
