So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
