Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
