Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
