the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
