Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
