Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
