is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
