Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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