From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
