And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
