my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
