she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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